Witty Comments That Will Make You Laugh

"Better a witty fool than a foolish wit."
- William Shakespeare.

And how right he was. There is undoubtedly a relation between wit and intelligence. The charm exuded by a well-timed witty remark is extraordinary. It holds the power to win over people's hearts.

So without any delay, let us look at some of the wittiest quotes, conversations, and phrases which managed to do just that.

♦ Saving is the best thing, especially when your parents have done it for you. - Author Unknown

♦ I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash. - Author Unknown

♦ It matters not whether you win or lose, what matters is whether I win or lose. - Steven Weinberg

♦ A good speech should be like a woman's skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. -Winston Churchill

♦ Why didn't Bruce Willis play the lead role in Titanic? He would have saved everyone. - Author Unknown

♦ When they asked George Washington for his ID, he just took out a quarter. - Stephen Wright

♦ Anyone who says 'Easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried it. - Author Unknown

♦ Be open minded, but not so much that your brain falls out. - Author Unknown

♦ Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few weeks of captivity, they can train Americans to stand at the very edge of the pool and have them throw fish. - Author Unknown

♦ I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in? - Author Unknown

♦ To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research. - Wilson Mizner

♦ People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do. - Isaac Asimov

♦ The only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets? -Al McGuire

♦ What happens if you get scared half to death twice? -Tara

♦ I was standing in the park wondering why frisbees got bigger as they get closer. Then it hit me. - Author Unknown

♦ If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one? -Abraham Lincoln

♦ Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. -Fletcher Knebel

♦ If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you. - Dick Cavett

♦ The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. - Jon Hammond

♦ Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. - Woody Allen

♦ I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. - Jackie Mason

♦ Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait. - Whitney Brown

♦ Do what you think is right in your heart. You'll be criticized anyway. - Eleanor Roosevelt

♦ A diplomat is one who thinks twice before saying nothing. - Author Unknown

♦ By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he's wrong. - Charles Wadsworth

♦ A closed mouth gathers no feet. - Sam Horn

♦ I've been in love with the same woman for many years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me! - Author Unknown

♦ We can forgive those who bore us. We cannot forgive those whom we bore. - Author Unknown

♦ Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us. - Author Unknown

♦ Life's disappointments are harder to take when you don't know any swear words. - Author Unknown

♦ A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. - Edward Abbey

♦ People don't kill people, I kill people. - Oscar Wilde

♦ Spend each day like it's your last, and you'll be broke by sunset. - Author Unknown

♦ To be clever enough to get all that money, one must be stupid enough to want it. - Gilbert K. Chesterton

♦ The big trouble with reality is that there is no background music. - Author Unknown

♦ Don't get upset by the results you didn't get with the work you didn't do. - Author Unknown

♦ Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious. - Boxing Analyst

♦ The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat. - Lily Tomlin

♦ I voted for the Democrats because I didn't like the way the Republicans were running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in the head to stop your headache. - Jack Mayberry

♦ Nancy Astor said to Winston Churchill, "If you were my husband, I'd poison your tea," to which he responded, "Madam, if you were my wife, I'd drink it!"