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Good Comebacks

Sujata Iyer
Good comebacks are hard to 'come' by and even harder to give 'back'. Here are some of the best ones that you can use. Read them and have fun.
Have you ever been in a situation where someone says something really really mean, stupid, vague, out of context, outrageous or all of the above, and you have not been able to come up with something smart and funny to say at that moment? And after an hour or so, you realize what you could have said.
Well, there's no point in that, is there? The whole point of good comebacks is that it is an instantaneous response to the absurdity that you just heard. But not to worry, there are some pretty good ones mentioned here. Use them the next time you need a witty one-liner to respond with.
*Disclaimer: The 'comebacks' used here have been compiled using different sources. They have not been formulated by the author. The idea is just to have some light-hearted fun, not hurt the sentiments of the reader.
While some people use funny comebacks as a regular part of their daily and almost every conversation, there are some who fumble with coming up with something smart to say, especially when someone has said something to insult or annoy them. At such times, just relax, breathe deeply and try and remember any of the ones mentioned here.
Using witty comebacks for the sake of humor is fine. But using it just to insult someone for pleasure or to deliberately hurt someone's sentiments is simply mean. Hence, the ones mentioned here are quite generic. So you can use them with anyone.


  • When someone is acting really really weird: I've seen people like you before, but I had to pay admission!
  • For someone who thinks he is the smartest person to walk the earth and has decided to take it upon himself to explain a very simple thing in a very complicated manner: Go ahead, tell them everything you know. It'll only take 10 seconds.
  • Person 1: Drivers book says you can't change gears while turning.
    Person 2: Yeah, well it also says you can't speed. But does anyone ever listen?
  • When someone is fishing for compliments about their 'art': The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.
  • For a chatterbox: Keep talking, one day you might say something smart
  • To someone who states something that is very painfully obvious: Thank God you're here, Captain Obvious!!!
  • Say this to someone who has just said something very amusingly stupid to you: You're the reason no one wants human cloning.
  • To that annoying person in the office who thinks he knows everything about everything: I can see your point, but I still think you're full of crap.
  • To someone who has just disagreed with you about something very trivial: You!... Off my planet!
  • To someone who seems surprised when you say something intelligent:I'm not as dumb as you look.
  • Just for fun, when someone says something uncharacteristically smart: You sound reasonable... Time to up the medication.
  • For a girl who has been going on and on: I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
  • To someone who thinks she has engaged you in a riveting conversation and asks you a question about it: You obviously overestimated my interest.
  • To someone who's been trying to get your attention and finally exclaims that you were being rude for not noticing: I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.
  • When someone says something exceptionally stupid: I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
  • Person 1: What are you looking at?
    Person 2: That's what I'm trying to figure out.
  • If someone says something really creepy: Children and animals are scared of you for very good reasons.
  • To someone who has the magical ability to come up with really senseless solutions to problems: Did you go to school to be an idiot or were you just born that way?
  • To someone who has just said something very shallow: I'm trying to imagine you with a personality.
  • To someone who has just given you a very mindless idea about what to do over the weekend: I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.
It can be painful to be put down by your friends at times. But when they do it the next time, the best thing to do is respond with some good comebacks which will actually make them feel guilty about what they've just said to you.
A simple one like "I'm sure you didn't mean that the way it sounded, dear" or"How does it feel to insult other people just because you want to hide your imperfections?" will definitely do the trick!