Funny One Line Jokes

We believe in "laughter is the best medicine". And you can't help but agree with Milton Berle when he said, Laughter is an instant vacation.

Whenever there's something bad coming our way or circumstances just don't seem to surprise us, there is no harm in finding means to smile a little. It can make a world of difference and really turn our lives around. So take a vacation with these hilarious one liners.

These jokes have been compiled so that whenever you require a healthy dose of laughter, you can come right back here and get your fill. Check out these jokes that will leave you wanting for more.

♦ When you steal an idea from someone, it's called plagiarism. But when you steal ideas from tons of people, it's called research.
♦ I would like to take my last breath in peace while I'm sleeping, same as my grandfather. And definitely not yelling and screaming as the people in his car.
♦ War never defines who's right. It only shows us who's left.

♦ You're showered with knowledge if you know that tomato is a fruit. You're showered with wisdom when you don't add it in the fruit salad.
♦ A newscaster will greet you with a "Good evening" in the beginning of the show. He/she will go on to let you know why it isn't.

♦ If you say that 3 out of 4 people suffer from loose bowel movements. Does that mean that one of them enjoys it?
♦ How's it possible that it takes only one matchstick to initiate a forest fire, but when you want to start a campfire, you go through an entire box.

♦ Whenever I'm asked "In case of emergency, notify:", I always write "Doctor". What the heck is my friend going to do?
♦ In a crowded elevator, the shortest person there gets a different smell every time.
♦ What makes a good diplomat? He'll tell you to go to hell which will make you want to go for the trip.

If you are a Simpson's fan, like me, then you'll know what a prankster Bart Simpson is. He's shown writing jokes on the school chalkboard in every episode. Take a look at these silly jokes and see if you can recall them from the episodes.

♦ I will not yell "She's Dead" at roll call.
♦ I will not say "Springfield" just to get applause.
♦ I am not deliciously saucy.
♦ Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.
♦ They are laughing at me, not with me.
♦ I will not encourage others to fly.
♦ Hamsters cannot fly.
♦ "Bart Bucks" are not legal tender.

♦ Underwear should be worn on the inside.
♦ Adding "just kidding" doesn't make it okay to insult the Principal.
♦ I am not a lean mean spitting machine.
♦ I do not have power of attorney over first graders.
♦ Nerve gas is not a toy.
♦ The First Amendment does not cover burping.
♦ Ralph won't "morph" if you squeeze him hard enough.

If you've ever watched The Simpsons then there's no need for explanation. For those who are still unaware of this show, Bart Simpson (one of the main characters) calls Moe (owner of Moe's Tavern) and plays pranks on him. He calls Moe at the tavern looking for someone, Moe calls the name out loud, he realizes it's a prank call, and how he responds to it.

Moe: Hello, Moe's Tavern. Birthplace of the Rob Roy.
Bart: Is Seymour there? Last name Butz.
Moe: Just a sec. Hey, is there a Butz here? A Seymour Butz? Hey, everybody, I wanna Seymour Butz!
(he realizes) Wait a minute... Listen, you little scum-sucking pus-bucket! When I get my hands on you, I'm gonna pull out your eyeballs with a corkscrew!

Moe: (answers the phone) Flaming Moe's.
Bart: Uh, yes, I'm looking for a friend of mine. Last name Jass. First name Hugh.
Moe:Uh, hold on, I'll check. (calling) Hugh Jass! Somebody check the men's room for a Hugh Jass!
Man: Uh, I'm Hugh Jass. (takes the call) Hello, this is Hugh Jass.

Bart: Uh......hi.
Hugh: Who's this?
Bart: Bart Simpson.
Hugh: Well, what can I do for you, Bart?
Bart: Uh, look, I'll level with you, Mister. This is a crank call that sort of backfired, and I'd like to bail out right now.
Hugh: All right. Better luck next time. (hangs up) What a nice young man.