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Funniest Movie Quotes

Ankana Dey Choudhury
Funny movie quotes are always sure shot mood lifters and can actually make you want to watch a movie over and over again. Here are some of the wittiest and funniest movie quotes that have entertained viewers for years.
There's never a time that is not good enough to steal a laugh, as that's the moment that allows all your worries to fly off in a jiffy. Movie quotes have always provided such moments when one can laugh without a care in the world, just for that feel-good vibe.
Some of these funny movie lines may be mindless and therefore funny, or hilarious due to their sheer brilliance dripping with wit and repartee. Below are some of the funniest movie quotes of all times, that have left many a generation in laughing stupors.
Most women use more brains picking a horse in the third at Belmont than they do picking a husband. ~ How To Marry a Millionaire (1953)

Funniest Movie Quotes of All Time

The key here, I think, is to not think of death as an end. But, but, think of it more as a very effective way of cutting down on your expenses. ~ Love and Death (1975)
A relationship, I think, is like a shark. You know? It has to constantly move forward or it dies. And I think what we got on our hands is a dead shark. ~ Annie Hall (1977)
Truth hurts. Maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with a seat missing, but it hurts. ~ Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)
Real nice party, Hapsburg... I see a lot of familiar face-lifts. ~ Naked Gun 2½: The Smell of Fear (1991)
Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood. ~ The Mask (1994)
Do you prefer 'fashion victim' or 'ensemblelly challenged'? ~ Clueless (1995)
[Gru is showing Mr. Perkins his plans, using pictures on an easel]
I fly to the moon, I shrink the moon, I grab the moon, I sit on the toilet bowl... what?
[sees a child's drawing in his plans, of himself sitting on a toilet bowl] ~ Despicable Me (2010)
Between two evils I always pick the one I never tried before. ~ Klondike Annie (1936)

Witty, Funny Movie Quotes

Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, and sometimes it rains. ~ Bull Durham (1988)
It's amazing the clarity that comes with psychotic jealousy. ~ My Best Friend's Wedding (1997)
My mum, a strange creature from the time when pickles on toothpicks were still the height of sophistication. ~ Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)
Ah. Introduce people with thoughtful details. Perpetua, this is Mark Darcy. Mark is a prematurely middle-aged prick with a cruel-raced ex-wife. Perpetua is a fat-ass old bag who spends her time bossing me around. ~ Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)
Sex is better than talk. Ask anybody in this bar. Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to sex. ~ Hollywood Ending (2002)
You can fight and all of you will die, or you can surrender in which case only most of you will die. ~ Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
Potter, take Weasley with you. He looks far too happy over there. ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
All men must choose between two paths. Good is the path of honour, heroism, and nobility. Evil... well, it's just cooler. ~ Megamind (2010)
Miss. Mabel Jellyman: Do you believe in love at first sight?
Maudie Triplett: I don't know but it saves an awful lot of time. ~ Night After Night (1932)

Funniest Movie Dialog Exchanges

Man: I'll look after the cattle and the men for you."
Cleo Borden: Just the cattle ... I'll take care of the men. ~ Goin' To Town (1935)
Sr. Mendoza: I'm sorry. I didn't get your name.
Cleo Borden: It's not your fault. You tried hard enough.
Sr. Alvarez: Where have I seen your face before?
Cleo Borden: Same place as you see it now. ~ Goin' To Town (1935)
Jerry (Jack Lemmon): Oh no, you don't! Osgood, I'm gonna level with you. We can't get married at all.
Osgood (Joe E. Brown): Why not?
Jerry: Well, in the first place, I'm not a natural blonde.
Osgood: Doesn't matter.
Jerry: I smoke! I smoke all the time!
Osgood: I don't care.
Jerry: Well, I have a terrible past. For three years now, I've been living with a saxophone player.
Osgood: I forgive you.
Jerry: [tragically] I can never have children!
Osgood: We can adopt some.
Jerry: But you don't understand, Osgood!
[Finally gives up and pulls off his wig] Ohh... I'm a man!
Osgood: Nobody's perfect! ~ Some Like It Hot (1959)
Norby: What's the name of the fairy tale with the egg on the wall?
Veeko: That was Nat King Cole.
Eddie: No, Nat King Cole stuck his finger in the pie and yanked out the bird. ~ Baby's Day Out (1994).
Don Diego de la Vega: [referring to sword in Murrieta's hand] Do you know how to use that thing?
Alejandro Murrieta: Of course! The pointy end goes into the other man. ~ The Mask of Zorro (1998)
Queen Clarisse Renaldi: Amelia, you look so... young.
Mia: Thank you. And you look so...
[Awkward pause at lack of finding appropriate non-offensive word]
Mia: ... clean. ~ The Princess Diaries (2001)
Ron Weasley: [about Ginny and Dean] What is it he sees in her?
Harry Potter: She's smart... funny... attractive...
Ron: Attractive?
Harry: Well you know... she has nice... skin.
Ron: Skin. So you think Dean's dating my sister because of her skin?
Harry: Well, no, I'm just saying it could be a contributing factor.
Ron: Hermione's got nice skin. You know, as skin goes, I mean.
Harry: I-I've never really thought about it. But I suppose, yeah. Very nice. [long pause]... I think I'll be going to sleep now. ~ Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009)
Sherlock Holmes: You've never complained about my methods before.
Dr. John Watson: I'm not complaining.
Sherlock Holmes: You're not? What do you call this?
Dr. John Watson: I never complain! How am I complaining? When do I ever complain about you practicing the violin at three in the morning, or your mess, your general lack of hygiene, or the fact that you steal my clothes?
Sherlock Holmes: Uh, we have a barter system...
Dr. John Watson: When have I ever complained about you setting fire to my rooms?
Sherlock Holmes: Our rooms...
Dr. John Watson: The rooms! Or, or, the fact that you experiment on my dog?
Sherlock Holmes: Our dog...
Dr. John Watson: The dog!
Sherlock Holmes: Gladstone is our dog! ~ Sherlock Holmes (2009)
Terry Hoitz (Mark Wahlberg): No, I don't like you. I think you're a fake cop. The sound of your piss hitting the urinal, it sounds feminine. If you were in the wild, I would attack you, even if you weren't in my food chain. I would go out of my way to attack you. 
If I were a lion and you were a tuna, I would swim out in the middle of the ocean and freaking eat you and then I'd bang your tuna girlfriend.
Allen Gamble (Will Ferrell): OK, first off: a lion, swimming in the ocean. Lions don't like water. If you placed it near a river or some sort of fresh water source, that make sense. 
But you find yourself in the ocean, 20 foot wave, I'm assuming off the coast of South Africa, coming up against a fullgrown 800 pound tuna with his 20 or 30 friends, you lose that battle, you lose that battle 9 times out of 10. ~ The Other Guys (2010)
Dr. Watson: It's not that he CAN'T ride horses... how is it you put it?
Sherlock Holmes: They're dangerous at both ends and... crafty in the middle. Why would I want anything with a mind of its own bobbing about between my legs? ~ Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows (2011)
There you have it. A list of the funniest movie quotes ever to bring out how often human behavior brings out the hilarity of most things we consider civil or claim to be the most mundane things in life.
These hilarious movie quotes actually show us that opportunities to laugh are all around us, but we just need to open our eyes to see the lighter side of life.